Bank Heist
by DemigodDaughterOfTheTARDIS
Summary: The Doctor and River have their version of a date night. Slight spoilers for episode 'Time Heist'.


**A/N~ Hello, sweeties! I was rewatching the episode "Time Heist" the other night, and one of the last lines of the episode gave me a plot bunny that I _had_ to use. This might be a bit different than what I usually write, but here goes!**

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"What do you _mean,_ you forget where we parked?" River Song yelled, chasing after the Doctor.

"Would you like me to repeat myself?" he yelled back, his Scottish accent slightly thicker due to the exertion.

"Oh, I hate you!" River yelled, wishing dearly that she wasn't busy shooting at the guards chasing after them, so that she could slap her husband - or maybe just kill him, for _real_ this time.

"No you don't!" he called back, turning another corner before skidding to a halt, having run straight into several bank guards.

Luckily, his wife doesn't come racing around the corner as well, so she doesn't see him being taken down by a couple of pudding-brained guards. She would have never let him hear the end of it.

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After his frankly embarrassing capture by the bank's guards, he is 'escorted' - a.k.a. dragged forcefully - down into the bowels of the building, where the bank's security office was.

Once there, the Doctor was promptly handcuffed to the Karabroxian steel of the table in the interrogation room - one of the strongest known metals in the 45th century. From the looks of the things, the handcuffs were made out of similar stuff.

After waiting for what felt like years, a large, muscular man came into the room.

"Ah, stereotypical pudding-brained muscle." the Doctor commented.

He stood next to the door, as another man stepped inside. This man was the opposite of the first - short, fat, and balding, he was in fact probably the least terrifying man the Doctor had ever seen.

"Hello." The Doctor asked. "Who are you?"

"I am Ajexskldi Surger, the chief of security for this bank." the man said. "Who are you?"

"I am the Doctor." he interrupts, relishing in the man's momentary look of irritation.

The hired muscle at the door snorts, most likely at his name.

"Now then," the Doctor continues, "If we could hurry this along, I have things to do."

"Doctor." Surger - or, as the Doctor had mentally dubbed him, the short one - cleared his throat, and attempted to smile politely at the Doctor.

He failed miserably.

"We have a few questions for you first." the short one said, sitting across from the Doctor and folding his hands on the tabletop. "How did you get here?"

"What is your name?"

"I told you!" the last of the Time Lords said. "The Doctor."

"What is your age?"

"Huh, now that is a tricky one." The Doctor admitted. He moved as if to scratch his head, before remembering that he was handcuffed to the table. "Let's see….. I was 2,043 the last time that I checked, but its been awhile."

Surger looked at him skeptically, but decided that it wasn't worth pushing the issue.

"Right." he sighed, writing down notes on their limited conversation.

"How did you get in here? This is a maximum security facility." was the next question asked.

The Doctor gave a half-smile at that one. "Through the back door."

The short one looked at him in confusion. "There is no back door."

"There is now."

This time the response was a _thump_ as the short one slammed his fist down on the tabletop. "Enough games." he growled. "Why are you here?"

The Doctor's answer was completely unexpected. "Date night, of course."

"Wha… _date night?_ Who takes a girl to rob a bank for a date?" The short one spluttered. "You came here alone, anyway!"

The Doctor now had a full blown grin on his face, and Surger was about to find out why.

"Now then." A new voice said, as the barrel of an Alpha-Meson blaster was placed against the man's head. "Just because you only caught _him,_ doesn't mean that he came alone."

River Song smiled at her husband, adding, "It just means that he is an idiot."

"Oi!" the Doctor protested. "That was rude."

River tilted her head to the side, as if considering. "Yes, sweetie," she sighed. "I suppose you're right - that was rude of me. I'm sorry." She crossed over to her husband, still keeping her gun trained on the bank's chief of security.

Giving him a chaste peck on the lips, she amended, "It just means that he is a _handsome_ idiot."

"Well…" He preened for a moment, then realized what she had said. " _Oi!_ "

Surger looked behind him, ready to tell his security guard to arrest them both… and then realized that the guard was out cold on the floor.

"Yes, well," River Song said, moving away from her madman. "This has been fun and all, but we really must be leaving. Thank you for your time!" she called over her shoulder as the couple headed out of the door.

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Later on, as they sat in the Time Vortex, River cuddled against her husband's side.

"So," the Doctor asked, turning to his bespoke psychopath. "Did you like it?"

River laughed, thinking that, no matter what body her husband had, or how far along in their timeline he was, he always wanted to please her.

"Robbing a bank?" she mused. "Yes, sweetie. That was a _perfect_ date."

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 _"Robbing a bank. Robbing a whole bank. How's that for a date?"_


End file.
